Unspoken Words
by nihility
Summary: [AU] One-shot I write letters to someone who'd never read them. My letters tell my story, my story of how I first met you and how everything came to be.


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A/N: Hey everyone, here's an Inuyasha one shot. Not exactly a happy ending, but not exactly a sad one either. I'll let you decide. Enjoy.   
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha. Bah, humbug.

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** Unspoken Words  
[One-Shot]  
By Nihility**

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**Dear Inuyasha,**  
  
I saw you walking into the school doors yesterday. You're new to our school aren't you? I could see how you looked around, totally out of place, confusion written in your beautiful amber eyes. You placed yourself apart from everyone else and glared at anyone who glanced your way to hide your insecurity. Are you afraid of being different? But you can't change who you are, you're very different. Intense gold eyes, shiny silver hair (not to mention your cute ears swiveling atop your head). You're afraid we'd laugh and hurt you. At least, this is what I think, yet I believe it's true.  
  
I'd like to get to know you, even though it seems you've built a wall to shut out everyone else. You've already gotten in trouble for talking back to the teachers. Eri and Ayame went on and on about how hot you were and giggled when you took the seat across from us. I didn't. I watched you. I just hope you don't think I'm some stalker. I'm not. I just feel drawn to you. It's so strange. I think I'm going to be the one to tear down those walls you've built and find out how you really are.  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Inuyasha,**  
  
I've tried talking to you for weeks but all you'd do was insult me and call me wench. Usually, I'd take this as a hint to leave you alone but something tells me to keep trying. The insults have been getting less harsh each time. Haha, maybe I'm wearing you down? Just today when I said "Hi," all you said back was, "Shut up wench". A drastic improvement compared to your first greeting consisting of some. . . . colorful words. I won't give up yet.  
  
**-Kagome **

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**Dear Inuyasha,  
**  
Today it was raining. Not a gentle summer rain but a pounding, soaking, thunderstorm. I had missed my bus to school, there was no one to drive me so I had to walk and my brother, Souta had broken my umbrella. I was drowning by the time I'd gone a block even though I'd held my fat yellow backpack over my head. Then, I heard a car coming from behind and pull to a stop beside me. The window rolled down and, of all people, it was you. You were glaring, like always, but this time I thought I saw a hint of concern in your eyes.  
  
"What the heck are you doing out in the rain, dumb wench? You could get sick!"  
  
I murmured my excuse. You turned your head away and mumbled. I strained to hear and asked you to repeat. You yelled it out sharply.  
  
"I said **GET IN THE CAR KAGOME**!"  
  
I hid a smile and complied. Our ride in the car was silent as we made our way to school. When we arrived, I hopped out and you told me in parting not to expect any more favors from you. I said I wouldn't, thanked you and left.  
  
All day I had a smile on my face. In Math, you snapped at me and asked me why I had that stupid grin on. Didn't you notice, Inuyasha? You'd said my name.  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Inuyasha,**  
  
It's been over three months since you've stepped into our school doors. It's also taken that long for you to finally accept me. Would you call me a friend? I hope so. I'm glad you're hanging out with us now – me, Sango, Miroku, Kouga, Hojo, Kagura, Kanna, Rin, Ayame and the rest. You're distant sometimes but it seems like you've let down your walls for us. I'm glad. I get glimpses of what you're really like once in awhile. A sweet, vulnerable guy. I'm learning a lot more about you everyday. Like, how your mom and dad had died in a car crash and you're in the care of your older brother Sesshomaru. You two don't seem to get along do you? You once told me how you felt like you had no one left. But, you're wrong Inuyasha. You have me.  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Inuyasha,  
**  
This Christmas has been my happiest. Sango, Miroku, you and I had decided to go skating (well more like we three decided and dragged you along). Everyone else had been too busy. We laced up our skates and sped around the rink, the Christmas lights on the trees around us twinkling in the somber grey sky. It started to snow, big beautiful white flakes, completing the picture perfect scene. Most people left after awhile. Sango and Miroku disappeared somewhere – something about hot chocolate – and it was just me and you.  
  
The cold was seeping into my skin and I shivered. You skated over and suggested we stop for awhile. We sat down on the bench to the side and you pulled out a thermos of hot chocolate out of your bag, mumbling something about what a lame excuse Miroku had given since he knew Inuyasha had brought hot chocolate. You poured some into two steaming cups. As I leaned over to grab one, I happened to glance up. Your amber eyes bore into me, an unreadable expression in those amber depths. All time seemed to freeze like the ice beneath our skates. It was one of those things when you know exactly what's going to happen next. Call it ESP, intuition, whatever but it never lets me down.  
  
Our lips met, and we kissed.  
  
So that's why this Christmas was my happiest, because of you.  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Inuyasha,**  
  
I was flipping through my scrapbook today. You always tease me about how I like saving things, even old movie tickets or the flowers you've given me, to put in it. It's just I'd like to save and capture all these sweet memories, especially the ones I've had with you and all my friends. I leafed through the bulging book and couldn't help laughing at all the good times pictured there. A shot of Ayame giving Kouga a smooch on the cheek. Sango's tomato red face beside Miroku's hand printed one. There's a picture of you with your arms around me as we stood under the Goshinboku tree. The picture of Rin on the amusment park rollercoaster just minutes before she puked on Sesshomaru. Kagura beating Hojo over the head with her fan. A group shot of everyone when we went on that picnic. Sango in Miroku's arms and me in yours at the Valentine's Day Dance. So many photos, so many stories and memories. I hope we all stay together to have even more.  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Inuyasha,**  
  
April showers bring May flowers. What a joke! It was clear & dry in April, flowers popping up everywhere and here we are, May, and the sky can't stop crying. It was raining hard again today, just like that day a long time ago when you drove me to school. We were all nice and dry in class when a girl stepped into our classroom. I think everyone gasped.  
  
She was drenched from head to toe with a scowl upon her face. I think what surprised everyone the most was, she looked just like me. Her name was Kikyo. You stared at her and I couldn't help but feel a tiny pang of jealousy. At lunch you stopped at her table and whispered to her. What is she to you? I asked but you smiled, shook your head and embraced me. You assured me it was nothing and I trust you. I'll always trust you.  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Inuyasha,**  
  
Excuse these tear marks streaking the page, but I think one can make out the story nevertheless. It was a beautiful July day. School was out ages ago and I was happy I'd have more time to hang out with all my friends. The sun was shining down on me, the sky was a clear blue and I was content. I was planning on saying those three special words to you today. You really were my everything. We had agreed to meet at the park at three but I decided to go early and wait for you. It would be such a waste of a good day to stay in anyway.  
  
It turned out I didn't need to wait. You were standing under the Goshinboku, our tree, the wind blowing in your silver hair. I made a mental note to convince you to let me comb it one day. As I was about to call out, a sight made my heart clench and stop. A girl, Kikyo, made her way to you. You two began talking, leaning close, heads together in whispered confidences.  
  
You both finally raised your heads. She wrapped her arms around you and whispered in your ear. But this, this I can't believe. You leaned down and kissed. My eyes burned with tears. A knife was driven deep into my heart and I let out a strangled cry. How could you do that to me? How could you betray me? After I'd trusted you! How could you kiss her? How could you embrace her like that the way you did me? How could you? I had always been there for you! Why did you do it Inuyasha?  
  
Those three special words I was going to say blew away in the wind.  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Inuyasha,**  
  
So, it turns out you saw me when I ran from the scene. You tried to run after me but I was gone. I avoid you now like a fish avoids dry land. And just like a fish, if I didn't, I'd die. That scene kept replaying in my head, a broken movie flashing the pictures of Kikyo and you together. My phone kept ringing. Calls from you. One time, I did pick up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Kagome! Please! Don't hang up this time! Just let me explain. Please?!"  
  
"Fine. Start explaining."  
  
The line was silent for awhile.  
  
"I. . .I. . .don't know how."  
  
"That's what I thought."  
  
Then I hung up and cried.  
  
Maybe I was unfair to not give you a chance to redeem yourself? Possibly. Then again, was it really all that fair that you'd broken my heart into a million pieces? I never want to hear you again. I never want to see you again. I wish . . . I wish I never knew you. Then I wouldn't be wishing for something that isn't anymore, reaching for someone that's not there and loving someone that doesn't love me back.  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Inuyasha,  
**  
I don't even know why I write like this - to you – anymore. I see you with Kikyo once in awhile, if we cross paths at the park, the beach or mall. Our/ my, friends are puzzled at what is going on but they know when to not question. I've been so tired lately. There're bags under my eyes and bruises are appearing on my body, though I have no recollection of ever bumping myself or falling down so often. I still cry a lot over what you did, and I'd sleep. My mom was getting worried so I went to a check up at my doctor. You know those three special words I was going to say to you? Let me introduce you to three other ones.  
  
You. Have. Leukemia.  
  
That's just as good as saying.  
  
You. Will. Die.  
  
You'll know soon enough since school is starting soon. If not then; then before. I'll probably tell Sango who'll tell Miroku, who'll tell you. I wonder what your reaction would be. Probably happy since no one will stand in your way anymore of you being with your precious Kikyo.  
  
The doctors told me I don't have many days left. It's already become too complicated to treat. Four months at the most. Do you know how it feels? Your life cut short? I'll never see Sango and Miroku at their teasing again. Kouga and Ayame become a couple. Rin grow up and confess her crush to Sesshomaru. I'll never finish high school or go to university. Never get a job or get married. Never have a family and grow old with my husband. Never to enjoy the years that have been so cruelly snatched away from me. Never. Isn't that such a harsh word? Just like forever. Eternity. Infinity.  
  
I don't know what to feel. Confused? Angry? Sad? I don't think I can feel anymore. I am numb. Sometimes anger courses through me. I hate the world, hate the doctors, hate the disease that's slowly killing me, hate you. Sometimes I sink, sink deep into a dark sadness and depression. Eyes watering at the thought of what I'll miss and never have. But never (there's that word again), never do I stop asking why. Why is this happening to me?  
  
I can't stop crying.  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Inuyasha,  
**  
I told Sango after she came back from her trip to America. We sat on my bed. She sobbed for a long long time. I'd cried all the tears I could already so I just sat there with my hand on her shoulder. She held me in a tight hug and kept whispering to herself that it couldn't be happening. We called Miroku and he came over. We told him and the three of us sat in a circle, arms around each other. For the first time, I saw Miroku cry. Kami- sama, I love my two best friends. Sango asked if we could tell Inuyasha and I said in a dead voice that they could do what they liked. I'm so glad they'll always be there for me. Inuyasha – why weren't you?  
  
When they had to leave Sango said that they'd help me make the most out of my last months. I was going to go with a bang.  
  
**-Kagome **

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**Dear Inuyasha,  
**  
I'm looking through my scrapbook again. The last few months have been so full that they've taken up two scrapbooks. I'm so grateful to my friends. I went to school for a week but I left afterwards. I knew I would never return and took my time walking down the halls, touching the cool metal lockers, drinking from the water fountain, breathing in the smell of books and chalk dust. I never knew I'd miss school so much.  
  
My parents have spared no expense and we went on so many trips. Now I can proudly say I've been around the world in less than eighty days. So much history and wonder I saw. The ruins in Greece, the coliseum in Rome, the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the castles in England, the pagodas in China. So much in so short a time. When I came home, Miroku and Sango spent every minute after school to take me places. We went on picnics and riding out in the country, outings to the beach, movies, sitting under the cherry blossom trees and just talking. But, there was this emptiness deep inside me that I could never squash. I was someone on the outside looking in. And, even though everyone was trying so hard to make me happy, I had never felt so alone.  
  
I'm so weary nowadays and sometimes there's a pain that seizes me that is indescribable. It makes me think that being dead and in peace is not that bad. I've been given pain killers but they do little. Everyone around me pastes on a happy smile, as do I. I wait for my days to be numbered and I suffer in silence.  
  
It won't be long now.  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Inuyasha,**  
  
I'm lying on my hospital bed, I can barely sit up and it's an effort to write this at all. I've taken the other letters I've written you and placed them in my hospital drawer beside my scrapbook and the goodbye notes I'd written everyone in an envelope. I look over them sometimes. Tubes are all around and in me. It's so uncomfortable. The room is a dull cheerless yellow. If anything, it makes me even more depressed. I stare, unseeing, at the ceiling above me. All my other friends who know now drop by often, but none more so than Miroku or Sango. They sit with me and we talk and we cry. That's all I can do now.  
  
I had always been one to look at the glass half full but it is so hard to do this now. I could be brave and say, death would be an exciting adventure but who am I kidding? I'm so fond of the life I have now and I don't want to let it go without a fight. But I can't fight, there is none left in me.  
  
Then someone came into my room this morning. It was you. Without Kikyo. I'd heard from Sango that Kikyo had left town a few days before I had found out I had cancer. So you'd finally gathered the courage to come and see me? I turned away. You stood there, staring at me and I couldn't help but feel self conscious. I was frail, thin and pale. Then a tear ran down your cheek. Then two, then three. Pretty soon you were sobbing and crying out how sorry you were. I finally looked at you. What I saw made me want to cry. There you were, kneeling on the floor beside my bed, crying your beautiful amber eyes out. Weakened. It was so startling, you'd always been so strong.  
  
You finally stopped and looked at me.  
  
"Please forgive me," you whispered.  
  
My eyes hardened. You broke my heart, you weren't there for me when I was sick and you have the nerve to come in here and ask my forgiveness? But then I looked in your eyes. There was a pain so deep within that I felt like I had been cut myself. Sincerity, deep sorrow and self loathing swam in the gold. Then I knew. I knew that, despite everything, I still loved you. I would always love you.  
  
Sango came in then and her eyes darkened. I had told her about what had happened between me, you and Kikyo. Addressing you coolly, she asked you to please leave. You got up, looked at me once more, bowed your silver head and sadly walked out.  
  
When you left, I grabbed the goodbye notes I'd written and found yours. I scribbled something and put it down with a sad smile. Will things really end this way?  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Inuyasha,  
**  
I think, no, I know that I won't be writing much more of these. I'm living in memories now, trying to relive the ones I do remember. The pains are getting to be more frequent now. The clock on the wall is ticking, the only sound in this lonely room. It's ticking down my last days, hours, minutes, I don't know. Yet sleep is a relief to me and I know that one day, my eyes won't open. I love my family and friends so much and I'll miss them. I'm thankful I knew the people I knew, thankful I did the things I did.  
  
I wonder sometimes how I could have lived my life differently. Did I choose the right roads to take? I know I shouldn't have taken it for granted. I hope no one takes life for granted. It's too precious. I still had so much to do, wanted to do but I think I've finally accepted the fact I am going to die.  
  
But my life, in the end, is a sakura blossom. Beautiful, short, and ending with brilliance.  
  
**-Kagome**

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**Dear Kagome,**  
  
I don't know what to say. I can hardly think or eat. You're gone. Just like that. You died on that rainy day, the world was crying with all of us. A bright light had flickered out. We found your scrapbook, goodbye notes and your. . .your letters to me. I never knew you wrote them. Gods, I can't stop these tears. I read the letters and the note you left me.  
  
_Inuyasha,  
  
I don't know the answers to why you did what you did but I forgive you, regardless. Please smile always, you are always so wonderful when you smile. Be strong for Sango & Miroku and everyone.  
  
Three special words =)  
  
Kagome_  
  
I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to be forgiven, don't deserve to be loved. I should have explained. I knew Kikyo a long time ago. We used to go out together and then I had to move. I was so shocked when I saw her come into our classroom. I didn't know. Did I still have feelings for her? I didn't want to hurt you but I was torn. She told me that day you saw me with her that she had to move away soon again. She asked me to be her boyfriend for that short period of time. She pleaded with me, if I still loved her somewhere in my heart that I would please do this last thing for her. I didn't know. I was so torn. I didn't understand what I felt. So I agreed.  
  
I don't know why I didn't tell you. Maybe I was ashamed or maybe I was scared to hurt you again. Now I see, I was a complete idiot. A fool. I deserve to die, not you. I hurt you so much and you should never be unhappy. I stayed away from you thinking if I avoided you that you would get over me. I didn't deserve you.  
  
My eyes are blurring, the tears are falling. I screwed up everything. I had missed you so much, missed your smile, missed your touch. It was then, later on that I realized I didn't like Kikyo anymore. You had taken the place in my heart. I had lost something priceless.  
  
When I found out you were going to die, my world shattered. It still is, lying in broken pieces. What am I without you? I tried to make amends, but I think it was too late. So late.  
  
Remember how you lit up when I first said your name? Oh gods, if saying your name would bring you back I'd chant it forever. Kagome. Kagome. Kagome. Kagome. Kagome. Kagome. Kagome. Kagome. My sweet, beautiful Kagome.  
  
I think you'd smile to know everyone in town practically, was at your funeral. You had touched so many lives, helped so many people. Including me. You opened me up, helped me have friends again and taught me to love.  
  
Your scrapbooks and other special things are in a special place in your home. Your parents and Sota have taken it really hard. But everyone is there for them. You don't need to worry. They'll be okay in time.  
  
I now lay this letter on your grave. Maybe you'll read it as you're sitting up there in heaven, watching over us. You're an angel. I just know it. You always were to me.  
  
Three special words, Kagome before I say goodbye. I regret not having said this sooner.  
  
**I Love You  
  
-Inuyasha**

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_The heartbroken boy placed the letter on the grave, beside the single white flower blooming there. He stood for awhile, looking down. He turned away eventually and walked off.  
  
The white flower seemed to shimmer and looking closely, you saw a white outline of a figure. A winged girl, sitting on the grave, transparent almost. She smiled as she looked down on the letter placed beside the grave- her grave. Giggling, she whispered with a peaceful smile. Her sweet voice carried in the wind.  
  
"I love you too, Inuyasha." _

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**A/N**: stretches Wow, that took longer than I expected. It turned out a bit...cliche. TT Gah. Hope you liked it though. Ja Ne 


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